On Being an Adult Learner

I am a current third year resident in OBGYN at NYU, and I am so proud of how far I have come since being a medical student. But it is hard. It is so hard being an adult learner. When I started intern year (first year of residency), I had essentially never had to be a follower at any point in my life. I always had to be a leader; it wasn’t quite a choice, even in situations when a child should not have to be a leader. I have had a job since I was 14 years old, and most of them involved teaching. My first was teaching Arabic at a Sunday School to first graders. I am so accustomed to teaching, which is a clear leadership role. Even before that, I had to lead in my family. My siblings are both younger than me, and my brother has Down Syndrome, so he has always required me to lead him; not just at home, but also in making his doctor’s appointments and arranging his life after he graduated high school (a true weaving and winding road!). It was common in my household growing up for me to innocently walk by and have my dad say to the phone “Oh wait a second; my daughter is here to speak to you. She speaks English better than me” and then have to discuss cable service, electricity problems, etc, etc. 

The best parts of medical school for me were planning events for the 3 organizations I lead, mostly focusing on women in medicine, women’s right to abortion, and sexual assault/domestic violence awareness. I’ve always relished being a leader; I love it. It is a ton of responsibility, but to me, it is worth it! 

So it was much to my chagrin to show up on the first day my intern year and know that I just had to be a follower, not only due to the structure of residency but also because there is such a steep learning curve in knowledge gap. Looking back now, I can say I did not know what I did not know. I had no idea of literally anything in OBGYN, even though I had done well in medical school and studied diligently. I was so lost. And this was so unsettling for me; I literally did not even know HOW to be a follower, so this led to a significant amount of angst. I felt like I was a teenager again (no such luck). I also didn’t really think I could learn anymore; I did not know that at age 25, the brain still has some capacity to learn new things and think even more critically

I started to take solace in those things I DID know, and one of those was relating to patients in a humane, natural way. I spoke to my patients, learned about them, researched their illnesses, and I was honest with them. I must have said one thousand times that year, “I do not know the answer to that question, but I will go ask my senior or my attending.” Rarely has that been taken poorly; patients actually appreciate the honesty and appreciate my going to find the right answers rather than making up something which could be incorrect. 

I finally just threw myself into residency and kept chanting to myself, “Trust the process.” I knew the process would work because I’ve seen so many residents graduate from my program as confident, powerful leaders, and I knew I could be one of them. Trust the process, trust the process. 

I finally made it to my third year this past July, a so-called senior resident. And I love it. I feel like I was born to be a senior resident! I know so much more than I knew my intern year, I know my boundaries and limits, and I am finally able to lead. I love working with first year residents and interested medical students. It finally feels so natural for me because I am in a leadership role, and I wake up every day literally excited to go to residency, which is known to be a particularly grueling part of any medical career. There is a significant amount of added responsibility, but I am happy to do it because I knew how much work it took for me to get to this spot. 

My best advice for anyone going through the ranks of becoming a physician: high school, college, medical school, residency and onwards is to trust the process. Throw yourself into the work, be diligent, and listen to advice from those you admire and respect. Trust the process.